To Love the Dead
by YuriAnna
Summary: A series of nonconnected oneshots in which Kikyou gets some much deserved love.
1. Kouga

Title: To Love the Dead

Genre: Romance/General

Characters: Kikyou, various others

Summary: A series of non-connected one-shots in which Kikyou gets some much-deserved love.

One: Kouga

From a cliff far away from the battlefield, I watch them kissing, and I just don't understand. I mean, why the hell did she choose him? My Kagome, with that… that… well, there are no words, but I can think of several that could come close. Most of them have four letters. I can understand why he would want her. I mean, she's Kagome, living proof that perfection exists. But why the hell did she choose him! He's just some scrawny little mutt with no status, looks, wealth, or mastery of basic social interaction! I saw them eat together, yesterday night when we all united before the final battle. She'd prepared a special meal for us, and his idea of a compliment was to burp and demand more! (I made sure to thank her profusely after she sat him. And then step on Inu-yasha's head.)

And now there they are, kissing beneath the sunset. How romantic. I want to rip his head off. He is nowhere close to being good enough for her. It's strange, but I actually feel my eyes watering. I must have gotten something in them during the battle. Or maybe it's allergies. I mean, humans have allergies, right? So maybe I caught them from Kagome's human companions. Either way, I sort of turn my head to the side, so that priestess over there can't see. Because she might think I'm crying, which I'm certainly not. I'm not quite sure where she came from, because my attention was focused on those two, but a while ago I just looked up and there she was. I think I sort of recognize her. Isn't she involved with Kagome and Inu-yasha somehow? She's pretty for a human, although no one really compares to my Kagome. She looks a lot like Kagome, actually.

She's been staring at Kagome and the flea-bitten mutt very intently, with some unreadable expression. But now she gets up and starts walking toward me.

"It's allergies," I tell her before she can say anything. She smiles a bit, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She really looks a lot like Kagome. She sits down next to me, and for a while neither of us says anything. Kagome and Inu-yasha are still kissing down there. Doesn't either of them need to breathe?

"You and I are similar, you know," she says suddenly, breaking me out of my sad thoughts. Is she nuts or something?

"Yeah, right. We're nothing alike," I tell her, not bothering to be polite. Right now I think I just want someone else to hurt as much as I do. She smiles again. I wish she'd stop that. Those narrow, unfeeling eyes and weird half-smile look out of place on Kagome's face.

"We are. You see, we both suffer from unrequited love." What? She's in love with someone? Sure doesn't look it.

"You're in love with Kagome, too?" I ask incredulously. The minute I say it I realize it's wrong, but right now my mind's kinda focused on Kagome.

She just barely frowns. "No. I once loved Inu-yasha." Oh, great. Why can't he have picked her?

"So you're another stupid woman," I tell her. Rude, but who cares? She certainly doesn't seem to, just stares at the two of them with that same blank expression.

"I suppose it was stupid to love him," she finally says. "Stupid… But love does not observe the rules of logic." And then she frowns again, and I see the saddest look in her eyes I've ever seen on anyone. Her last sentence is barely a whisper, and I'm not sure if she's talking to me or not. "And now I've lost him forever."

I consider leaving; she's really kinda creepy and depressing. But I promised my pack I'd return with Kagome in one hand and Naraku's head in the other, and I don't feel like explaining why I have neither. Besides, I'm tired and I don't really feel like doing anything. So we just sit there in silence.

She speaks again, and she seems to have recovered some of her composure. "You know, you are much like Inu-yasha." What the hell! Now I'm mad.

"Don't insult me, woman!" I yell, though she doesn't much seem to care. "I'm nothing like you and even less like Inu-yasha!"

She gives me that smile again. "I've watched your eyes. Every time you look at me, you think of Kagome." How the hell does she know that?

"You can't read minds, can you?" I ask suspiciously. I know humans can't, but I'm not even sure if she's human anymore. She doesn't smell human.

"No, I cannot read minds, wolf. Only people." Whatever the hell that means.

I look back out over the cliff. Kagome and the mutt are gone. It's funny; I didn't even notice them leave. I lay back and look at the stars. The priestess is still next to me.

After a while, much longer than any of her other pauses, she speaks. "But you are not like Inu-yasha, and I am not like Kagome."

"Well, I coulda told you that." And I could have. I mean, it's kinda obvious.

"They do not run from their problems as we do." I feel kinda angry, but mostly tired.

"Speak for yourself, lady." She doesn't say anything else, and I don't really feel like talking. But she doesn't leave, and neither do I. Eventually I'll have to go back to my pack. The thought doesn't seem too appealing right now. She's not doing anything, just sitting there and probably thinking. I scoot closer. Maybe she's right. Maybe we are alike. The point is, she thinks we are, and right now I just really need someone who knows how I'm feeling.

It might not be so bad to have someone else to run with.


	2. Soul Collectors

Two: Soul Collectors

Mistress is back. We are happy. We all love Mistress. But Mistress is not happy, not at all. Now we are sad. Mistress should be happy.

It's that nasty dog and his nasty little girl. We don't like them, not at all. We don't like anyone who makes Mistress unhappy. We give Mistress some of the glowy-balls. That should make her happy; Mistress likes glowy-balls. But she's still sad. That makes us more sad.

We don't know why anyone wouldn't like Mistress. She is very nice to us when the Big People are mean to us. They don't want us to have the glowy-balls. They are very bad people, trying to keep the glowy-balls from Mistress. We don't like them, not at all.

Mistress is always sad when she visits the dog and that girl. We have seen the girl, and we do not like her. She is a very bad copy of Mistress. The dog is stupid. They make us mad, but Mistress does not let us hurt them. She is much too charitable.

We wish Mistress would not go see those bad people who hurt her. We all love Mistress. But we cannot tell her what to do. She is Mistress. And she will always come back to us in the end.


	3. Jaken

Three: Jaken

Jaken is not, on the whole, given to introspection. What thoughts he has are generally vocalized loudly and obnoxiously. He'd be the first to admit that philosophy soars right over his head (as do most other things). But there are some truths that Jaken knows without having to think about, and one is that the world hates him.

There are some people, such as his great and valiant Lord Sesshoumaru, on whom the world has obviously heaped blessing upon blessing. There are others, such as the child, who, despite their numerous shortcomings, manage to attract the favor of those such as Sesshoumaru. And there are a few, such as Jaken, whom the world steps on repeatedly and then scrapes off its shoe with an expression of disgust.

As long as Jaken can remember, he has belonged to the third category. Nearly as long as he can remember, he's worshipped the members of the first category, though usually from afar and sometimes at a run. Lord Sesshoumaru is the first first-category person he's met who'll deign to speak to him, much less let him tag along. So Jaken tags, and serves, and worships, and basks in what reflected glory he can. He knows, of course, that nothing will come of his worship; the idea of himself in anything other than a serving capacity is as alien to him as it is to Sesshoumaru. This makes it all the easier to worship.

And then he meets Kikyou. At first he doesn't really spare her a thought, because he has Lord Sesshoumaru to worship, and nothing really comes close to the first-category glory of his lord. Jaken notices her more and more, however, and gradually he starts to realize that she's first-category, too, and more that she's comely (for a human), and more that she's powerful (for a human), and more that she's kind and may not kick him if he comes closer. So he watches quietly, and occasionally says a few words, and gradually begins worshipping a new god.

As for the priestess, she knows exactly what she wants. She wants respect and understanding, and more than that she wants loyalty. And if the one to give it is a three-foot-high toad, so be it. She's never been one to judge on species (she loved a half demon once), and being dead, she'll take what she can get. She's content, and she figures there are many worse off than her.

If Sesshoumaru notices Jaken sneaking off in the night, or sees Kikyou nearby more often than can attributed to coincidence, he makes no comment, because for the first time in untold centuries _he's_ not the toad's love interest, and he'll be damned if he does anything to screw it up now.


	4. Tsubaki

Of course, you've always seen the world in black and white—and you are white. That's why the power sparks so easily at your fingertips, and you are always the first to sense approaching demons. But it's so easy—you can feel their darkness, alien blots on your pristine white landscape, and you secretly marvel when no one else seems to notice how _wrong_ they are.

* * *

You're standing beneath the cherry trees, white blossoms raining around you, when you first meet Tsubaki. She must be beautiful, you decide, because she's so blinding—you can't tell, though, whether you're being blinded by darkness or light. Perhaps this is how you look to other people—but no, you're sure you've never had that look in your eyes.

A demon bursts into the clearing, then, and you both go for your arrows. When she shoots, you can feel that same essential wrongness, and when you next turn to look at her she's tainted so black she fills you vision. Later, you reason that she's you, approached from the opposite side.

* * *

You train together, tracing sutras and murmuring chants. Occasionally, you and Tsubaki exchange knowing glances—you're the only one who sees how black she is. When the others comment on your exceptional skill, you just smile, because you can't explain to them that they lack clarity of thought.

* * *

The night before you leave for your village is hot, and the air hangs stagnant around you. You feel rather than hear Tsubaki approach and kneel beside you, her impossibly smooth fingers trailing darkness down your cheek, your breath hitching in your throat. A part of you—something alien and dark—screams for you to say something, do something, look up into her smoldering eyes… It takes all of your will to stay perfectly still and keep your eyes closed.

A subtle shift in the air lets you know when she has left. You want so badly to draw your knees to your chest and sob, but of course you don't. The next day you shed your robes and plunge headfirst into the icy river, scrubbing until you can no longer feel your pure white skin.

* * *

The light of the Shikon Jewel only serves to cast your contrasting landscape into harsh relief. Its weight around your neck reminds you of exactly how white you are, to keep it glowing like that.

* * *

Finally looking into Inu-yasha's eyes is your greatest revelation yet. A boy and a man, the hurt and the hurting, black and white, mesh together in those eyes. When you tear yourself away, the world stretches before you in shades of gray.

* * *

The demon very nearly kills you; you see its head fly past as Inu-yasha swoops in from behind. He shoots you a questioning glare, but you don't have the words to explain why you didn't sense it—how its darkness slips through the gray sky around you, where black and white blur together and you can barely see for all the subshades. You haven't let him touch you, for fear that his insidious grayness will seep through your robes and into you skin.

* * *

You're standing beneath the cherry trees, where the world is still white—you haven't allowed Inu-yasha into this sanctuary. Tsubaki approaches from behind you, her dark form swirling with gray at the edges. You wonder if you're the same, and then if she can tell. She announces that standing beneath the cherry blossoms will drive you mad, but on the contrary, you've never felt more sane. There's a silent moment, beautiful in its simplicity, when her dark snake arcs through the air.

* * *

It's after your sister loses an eye that you propose the idea to Inu-yasha. You don't say it, but you need him to agree so badly—so the black demons will stop swarming around, so the world will stop blurring before your eyes, so he can be white like you are. You let yourself fall into his embrace, because it's what you feel you ought to do next.

The world fades into darkness, and you with it.

* * *

You're standing beneath the cherry trees again. The dull ache thuds along with each beat of your heart, but it's healing with the wound in your shoulder. Tsubaki appears behind you, and when you turn to her, you smile when you realize that her eyes are breathtakingly blue. 


End file.
